The Real Story

Special Note: This blog was originally created for any St. Louis Scientologist that were or are still in the cult that might have been looking for answers to why we left. So a lot of our story below is filled with the language and abbreviations of Scientology.

I have since created another blog called Doubt Formula for people looking for answers who have never been involved with the cult of Scientology. Please go there for a lot of great answers to your questions.

For those who have never been in the cult and want to give it a try please feel free to read our story below.

This is the story of Jim Little, Meshell Little (Powers), Heather Powers and grandmother, Edie Fields of St. Louis, Missouri.   This is the REAL STORY of how we went from being 22-year Scientologists to FIRST QUIETLY resigning from the corporation known as the Church of Scientology on June 29, 2010, then being declared SP’s (Suppressive People) on October 21, 2010 – to now speaking out broadly to expose the truth of the whole story.

Honestly it wasn’t surprising to us, as this is what has happened with every single other Scientologist who has tried to speak out.  It is done as “damage control” to quickly silence and discredit.  So, true to the goal, our SP declare consisted of a lot of generalities, complete lies, assumptions that were stated as facts, situations twisted up neatly to appear as one, dropped out time all mixed with one percent truth – and completely written with the intention of discrediting all of us to make sure we looked evil and none of our friends on the “inside” would even want to talk to us.  Basically, it was full of libel and I will go over it later.  Amazing, this is the thanks we got for all our years of supporting this so called “church”, but that’s not all – they also turned my son against us!

On October 24, 2010  my 19-year-old son, Jeremy Powers, told me, his little sister, Heather and step-dad Jim that he could no longer have any association with us until we “came to our senses and recanted our misdeeds”.  He said that he knew we weren’t really suppressive people and he knew it wasn’t right that he was being forced to disconnect from us by the Church of Scientology.  He said he had no choice because he had argued all he could to get them to see that “forced (ultimatum) disconnection” was wrong, especially when it came to family.  He said he tried to get them to see that if he ever felt we were suppressing him, he would decide on his own to disconnect, per Scientology’s policies on suppression.  It is our opinion that only the most evil and arrogant of groups would practice this type of family destruction, especially against people who only want to walk away.

Since he and I have always been close, this act of cruelty, on his part, is beyond my ability to comprehend.  I’ve been the one always there for him, loving him with open arms, granting him importance, and protecting him from invalidation & harm.  All of us fully supported his right to decide to stay with the church when he knew we were all leaving it.  Make NO MISTAKE ABOUT THIS, I easily could have turned him to our side – I just wasn’t sure it was the best decision.  We know better now. So we supported him and ensured he had funds on his account to move forward as he wished. This was a Major error on our part!

He was totally manipulated with THREAT OF LOSS.  He said if he didn’t disconnect he would lose his girlfriend, his place to live, his car, his job and he wouldn’t get his Scientology training.  He was told by the St. Louis Ethics officer, Kevin Forney,  that it was his choice, but if he chose to stay connected he would be declared a suppressive person just like us.  He cried when he left our house that day, but nothing like I cried, I’m sure.  I don’t even know if he realizes the pain of a mother losing her child.  He’s likely being indoctrinated to believe that we are all JUST THETANS (Spirits) and it is a “fake” mother/son relationship anyway.  I say this because on occasions when Sea Org (Upper Management) folks were trying to recruit my children, they told me, “they are thetans, not YOUR children”!

My mother, Edie Fields, was pressured to disconnect as well – even before we were declared – and she let them know that she would never ever disconnect from her daughter & granddaughter. She told them that she was disconnecting from THEIR suppressive actions.

Jim, Heather, Edie and I came to terms with the fact that we are now the victims of what we had defended and protected for years.  My child, being manipulated with a threat of loss, has immediately and obediently started blocking me from his life, as if I don’t exist anymore.  He’s changed his phone number and blocked us from his Facebook – eliminating us as his family.  Eliminated.  Gone.  Sadly, he calls it his “personal integrity”.

Well, Church of Scientology, the gloves are off.  THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACE TO BE IS BETWEEN A MOTHER AND HER CHILD, and you have so arrogantly placed yourself right there.

Until you issued the SP Declare, full of slander and lies about me, then manipulated my son to disown us – I was willing to silently go about my way. I was willing to never talk about Scientology to Jeremy and I was willing to let him choose the religion of his choice and make his own decisions.  He has that basic human right, you know! I knew that my compromise would be that I would be silent about my opinions going forward, in order to not provoke the church – but NO – that was not good enough.  Do you really think I will walk away with my tail between my legs, whimpering and sad?  Do you really think I will just give up my son and not say anything about it?  Are you all completely void of humanity? Read below of the mayhem *cough* we caused to bring this wrath of a “church” upon us.

Jim and I had been in Scientology for 22 years.  I served on staff for 5 of those years, first holding the post of HAS then being promoted to the senior executive post of Flag Banking Officer (right before it became a SO post).  Pretty much my auditing level consists of Grade 0, FPRD basic and 1D list, and lots security checking!  On top of that, I’ve had a lot of admin training, including a few mini hats, OEC Vol 0, FP Member Full Hat and M9 word clearing the entire finance series.  As an FBO, during the big IRS tax exemption, I implemented the entire Treasury/INCOMM program after the IRS awarded the tax exemption.  Jim has been mainly public, finishing his STCC, Student Hat, TR’s/Objectives, volunteer activities with CCHR & other 4thD campaigns.  He had a few brief times on staff in the 90’s and recently in 2008.  My mom Edie (now 70 years old) had been on staff for 10 years, and buying her auditing at staff rates.  She is a trained auditor, word clearer and a beautiful being.  Our daughter, Heather, started volunteering 20 hours a week at age 13 and had been on staff since, finally working over 50 hrs a week while trying to get through schooling, toward the end.

Over the past few years we’ve had points of disagreements and things that just didn’t make sense.  Including, but not limited to, direct policy violations and circumstances that just didn’t make sense.  I personally have written a lot of extensive KR’s (Knowledge Reports) outlining such violations over the years.  We’ve commonly just dubbed in what we thought “must” be the case and settled with the “thought-stopper” that it must just be our own MUs (Misunderstood Words).

The following things are only a few things that we have tried to make sense of, when actually they literally don’t make any sense at all. Some of them we consider to be just out right suppressive and against the stated purpose of the CoS.  These questions are never answered in a way that resolves the question.

1. If it’s absolutely vital that we get 10,000 people auditing on OTVII – then why is the pricing of Scientology out of reach for the majority of the population?

2.  In the early 70’s the cost of ALL the OT levels (if purchased in a package) was $2500 – today it’s close to $500,000 when all is said and done.  What level of inflation is that?

3.  In answer to the “pricing” questions, we’ve been told it’s because Scientology is for “the able” – however, we don’t think one can judge ability by someone’s bank account. Some of the biggest SPs on the planet are very wealthy.

4.  In the inner circle, org staff are considered some of the most able on the planet – yet, if they are no longer on staff and don’t make enough to quickly pay for their bridge, does that mean they are no longer the “able” we want up at the top of the bridge??

5. We heard from personal friends that in the 70’s orgs (and missions) were bursting at the seams. LRH went off the lines, odd things started happening and the orgs started shrinking.  Reports went to LRH that David Mayo was an SP – he was declared and gotten off the lines.  At that point, orgs should have had huge expansion and grown even bigger; however they did not stably grow. Really?  Well, have you ever seen an org bursting at the seams since 1982?

6.  Just 3-4 years after LRH died, and with David Miscavige fully in control, orgs have continued to shrink over the long term.  We are told Scientology is expanding.  Are we to honestly believe that St. Louis org is the only one that has NOT grown in 20 years? I mean stably grown.  I’m not talking about the staff count hitting 50, because you turn around and it’s down again.  The overall stats at STL are NOT on an uptrend over the past 20 years AT ALL. In fact, stats have been emergency since the 70’s, with some stats, like GI actually in danger and non e.  This is denied.  However, there is nobody who can prove that the stats are expanding.  But let’s don’t forget, we have eyes and we have observation AND we have been around for 22 years!

7.  We find it most disturbing that “Scientology has the ONLY workable admin tech on the planet” yet it isn’t working to expand Scientology at the org level.  Want more proof?  Why is everyone donating every penny, nickel and dime to Ideal Orgs?  Why can’t the expanding org, that is delivering more and more auditing and training over that last 22 years afford to just expand up to a larger and nicer location?  Why does the org have to resort to “fundraising” all the while the staff is paid far below the poverty level?

8. It’s completely suppressive that staff, considered by most to be the hardest working people on the planet and doing the most important thing for mankind – are paid next to nothing.  Pay in class V orgs is so low that it’s impossible to recruit a large staff of competent people (and keep them) because you’re asking them to come on board below the poverty level.  A new recruit who doesn’t have someone else who supports them, won’t even be able to afford to buy groceries, and this hasn’t changed in 20 years.  If this is the most important activity on the planet – does this make sense to you?  It seems to us that LRH never intended it to be this way.  He says flourish and prosper, survive in abundance!

9. Very young adults (teenagers) seem to fit the bill well. These children are expected to be “instant adults” and are called “thetans” when in fact, it’s not likely they remember the wisdom of their very last life, and most lack the true wisdom of adults. These young adults have a hard time controlling their own determinism, lacking KRC with life. However, they are easy to indoctrinate into a way of thinking they should do what they do “for the cause” for free, and even if it costs them money to be there.  Having a education is secondary to the org’s purpose, and they end up raised as a staff member with little outside world experience.  We find this to be an oddly weird.  These children are “playing office” while they are getting “trained up” and robotically wielding lightning bolts over all pubic.  Dangerous combination!

10. The Sea Org cherry picks local org staff!   When they recruit from staff, they claim to “replace” them with new recruits. However, a lot of times the replacements are not viable replacements. If this game is so important and the orgs are so vital, why is it okay for them to cherry pick staff from lower orgs, leaving orgs struggling to always to get hatted up again. We find this suppressive.

11. It’s also completely suppressive to recruit teenagers (heck anyone for that matter) into the SO and then deem them no longer qualified to be on staff, anywhere – if they end up leaving, even if they wanted to join staff at a class V org!  Completely suppressive and we are horribly reasonable to not see it.

12. In the Sea Org if you get pregnant, you are off loaded and given your freeloader bill, or you always have the abortion option!  Back in the days LRH was around, if an SO member got pregnant they would be sent out to work at a Class V org until their children turned six. Now, they are simply off loaded, given a free loaders bill and told they are not allowed to ever work in any orgs. More resources, to clear the planet, down the drain. Suppressive!

13. Flag coming to class V orgs and regging org public to go to Flag to get their grades, training and do basics in addition to the flag only things…..they say they have perfect auditors and perfectly applied tech….making it feel like we are getting seconds and probably a lot of errors at an org. Even with the GAT (Golden Age of Tech).

14.  We were told “LRH didn’t write the “Disconnection Canceled” policy, but that probably “some suppressive did it and just put Ron’s name on it”.  Well isn’t that comforting?  How do we know which PLs were indeed truly authored by LRH?  Isn’t it only hearsay at this stage of the game?  That PL was written back in 1968.  How can anyone be so arrogantly certain that the “reinstatement of the disconnection policy” 15 years later, was really authored by LRH?  Think about this statement!  When LRH cancelled it in the 60’s he said we had no need for disconnection “because we now have the technology to handle every case”.  Ask yourself, does that mean that 15 years later the tech didn’t work anymore, so we needed disconnection again?

15.  We were told in the briefing by David Miscavige that LRH decided to drop his body so he could continue his research on upper levels without the hindrance of his body.  We were told he was of sound mind and the body was in good health and he was causatively doing this.  Yet, after all these years, and after all the lectures, he causatively decided to drop his body without so much as a single personal word to his “following”!  That one baffles us. Think about this.

We have experienced pretty horrible situations personally and outpoints so big that they just couldn’t be reconciled.  Heather’s experience when she joined the Sea Org and came back to staff was nothing short of sickening!  The amount of accumulated bypassed charge I had was incredible.  The number of blatant policy violations that adversely affected our family directly through the years are gross and too numerous to go into at this time.  Maybe we should write a book as well!

The door to our exit was opened when we watched the CNN’s Anderson Cooper’s show, called “Scientology: A History of Violence”.  As unbelievable as this accusation sounded, we actually watched it because our own church spokesperson and others from our church were also on the show. We wanted to see what in the world “we” were being accused of this time, and see how the church defended it.

On the show, we saw fairly recent, very high ranking veteran Ex-International Management members, like ex-CO OSA INT on staff for 25 yrs, Inspector General for Ethics (at the highest level of management for decades), and others of equal magnitude who were accusing David Miscavige of unthinkable crimes!  It outlined how the church is ripping families to pieces – unjustly – using our disconnection policy to silence true criticisms. Truthfully, we were leaning toward this being preposterous until we heard our own church’s attorney and our current church spokesperson, Tommy Davis; completely & utterly lie about our church policy regarding disconnection. He and the attorney very believably lied, saying the church has no policy of enforcing disconnection. To say the least, we were stunned to hear this lie and felt additionally that we had just witnessed too much credibility to completely ignore it.

Paul Haggis, a very prominent 35-yr Scientologist (film producer) sent a letter to CNN saying “If they lie about this, what else are they lying about?”  That is exactly how we felt.  Especially having experience years of many things that just didn’t make sense and ourselves making excuses for too many outnesses.

This started my husband and I on an exhaustive research of the people who were on the show telling their stories.  To our surprise, we discovered that these people were whistleblowers!  We were not hearing natter, 3rd party or crazy criticism – we were discovering very well written KRs, video interviews, open letters and each discovery opened another “ah ha” moment for us.  Now things were making sense!  My bypassed charge was decreasing.

Interestingly enough, each and every one of these whistleblowers were subsequently declared.  Some were declared for wanting to leave, but most were declared for speaking out against blatant and destructive violations of LHR tech and policy that was NOT BEING HANDLED in decades within the church.

The question we had to ask is why. Why would literally SO MANY dedicated high-level Scientologists of 20, 30 & 40+ years just decide to leave and start speaking out against the church?  Are we to really believe that after all these decades of training and processing – or being trusted in the most elite management positions in our church – that they suddenly turned into “suppressive persons” and now want to destroy Scientology?  We needed to know WHY they left and what they are whistle-blowing about.

So, for months we researched and with each new thing, turned up something else.  Piece by piece our bypassed charge started clearing out.  The mass was moving away as things started to make sense now.  And to think so many times we thought these mistakes, outpoints and sometimes outright evil dramatizations were mostly because of young inexperienced and often unhatted staff that were running the show these days!  Guess what, not only were we wrong in this assumption, we were being reasonable!  Out KSW1.

It very soon became very clear WHY the church considers you out-ethics for reading or watching anything dubbed as “anti” Scientology on the internet. Funny, all of us are told that there is danger in running into upper-level confidential OT data that could be dangerous and possibly even fatal to us if we read it – while we’re sure that it’s out there, we never ran into ANY of it in our research.  We ran into worse.  Much worse!  To our horror and without a doubt, we found out that the current church’s own crimes are being exposed by high profile, highly respected veteran international management people, as well as an extraordinary amount of OTs.  Many very upstat Scientologists who have donated 100’s of thousands of dollars to Ideal Orgs and the IAS.  They’ve walked away and are blowing the whistle.  These are people who dedicated their entire LIVES to Scientology and have ended up being labeled as “raving SPs” that the church has to vehemently destroy, with horrible lies and character assassinations.

Further, we have found that people who are discovering this information and talking about it or having doubts about continuing to support and condone the church, are being declared as suppressive persons almost immediately – if the church can’t get them “handled”.  We found that the SP Declare was not really being issued as a final ethics gradient, but was being immediately issued as a way to silence the person and to ensure that other Scientologists were forbidden to communicate with them.

Then to just be sure, the SP Declares were written in such a way as to ensure that other scientologist’s viewpoint of them would be slanted and the person’s credibility would be completely discredited.  We found proof that in some instances the church utilized confidential confessional information, dropping out time and date of the happenings, to destroy their image.  Let me ask you this.  Thinking back over every single sec check you’ve ever done, include all your O/W write-ups (leaving out ALL justifiers or so called reasons you committed the OW), and ask yourself, how would it sound if it were taken completely out of context, time and place dropped out and no mention of any ethics handlings having been completed and then put in an issue for all to read?  Do you think it would make you look bad?

In our search, we read the stories of hundreds of people. We watched their videos, read what they AND the church had to say in the expose “The Truth Rundown” (published by the St. Petersburg Times) which contained very interesting historical information and facts, as well as fair coverage of what the church’s side is to the whole thing. There were a lot of video interviews of ex-CMOI and WDC upper-management-type people. These interviews stunned us and we had no doubt these people were NOT lying. We read doubt formulas of Veteran New OTVIIIs and highly detailed KRs written by extremely upstat and high level Scientologists.  We had the opportunity to evaluate the data against things we’d already experienced and knew to be true.

We discovered there is a huge movement of prominent Scientologists around the world who are demanding that “we” wake up! Most of these people have been walking away since 2004 and they are NOT trying to harm Scientology, these folks are applying KSW1.  These Scientologists have come to sadly realize that there is no longer a way for this situation to be handled from within the church and withdrawing one’s support is the answer, per LRH as he describes in The Way To Happiness.  He tells you how to handle a suppressive government, he says just simply withdraw your support.

After literally months of exhaustive research, we concluded that it is our reality that the Church is condoning the lying, abuse of policy and tech and covering it up.  Ultimately, we could not, in good conscience, ignore the voices of our fellow Scientologists, including, but limited to, Marty Rathbun, Geir Isene, Jenny Miscavige, Ronnie Miscavige, Jason Beghe, Mike Rinder, Amy Scobee, Jeff Hawkins, Mary-Jo Leavitt, Lisa Hamilton, Larry Anderson (the narrator of the Orientation Film), Tom De Vocht, Sherry Katz, Christie Colbran, Paul Haggis, Mark Hamilton, Karen De La Carriere (who by the way, is the ex-wife of the President of the Church of Scientology), and numerous others –

We made our decision – we could no longer condone or support the Church of Scientology as it’s currently managed.  Courageously, we, as a family, issued a 14-page letter of resignation to the ethics department of our local org, privately announcing our intention to withdraw our support.  You can read our Letter of Resignation here – Our Open Letter To the Church

This blog site was put together composing much of the stuff we researched – just in case one true friend of 22 years respected us enough to realize we had not dropped off the deep end.  Just in case they wanted to look.  Guess what, not one single person approached us.  Yes, sorry – one did.  However, we were unwilling to tell this person because he was the son of our very best friends and we felt he was not stable enough to have this information.  Compassion, I call it.

We realized we likely would be quickly labeled as SP’s like all others who stood up before us, however, we are not going to be controlled by “fear” of our own Church either.  Labels don’t make one “suppressive”, it only stops others from communicating.

We stood up because it was the only thing that could be done.  LRH describes the price of freedom. We know that once a few have the courage to stand up, then more will have the courage to stand up.  Staff and management will not be able to ignore us for long, because it’s going to become too obvious that we are not ALL suppressives.

For us, so much by-passed charge is gone! Years of things that have never made sense to us, now make sense!  Being labeled as an SP by the current management is meaningless – as we have already lost LRH’s Scientology to criminal and corrupt activities.

Then the day came that the church played GOD.  The almighty SP DECLARE was issued on our family.  I have it below, and I’m making comments on it, however, I need to say something here.

Here are points you need to know:

1.  Jim, Heather and I went to the org and privately gave our resignation to the correct terminals in the org.  This was not done “publicly”.

2.  The HES was mad, said he was going to be the one to declare us.

3.  We all walked away that day and the ONLY one to say or do anything else in the light of “public” was Jim.  He was mad and when we got home he decided to post on Facebook what we had done, what Matt said and offered if anyone wanted to read our write up.  I disagreed with this.  He did it, not Heather and not me.  Jim was very upset a few times and blurted things out publicly, Heather I and stayed politely private about our feelings and thoughts.

4.  Heather silently came home, deleted all Scientology friends and moved on to her next chapter in life, never talking about it again – she didn’t read any sites EVER and she just moved on.  She, in fact, had not committed a single suppressive act.

5. We did not get a comm ev.  We did not get a Non Enturb Order.  We did not get a hearing.  We were not asked clarifying questions as to activities, time place form or event.  In fact, we were not even spoken to again after that day, except by the DSA who was showing me LRH policy to refute my stance.  I knew she cared deeply and hated our decision to do this.  However, what she was showing couldn’t answer our concerns or handle the tons of atrocities that our family had experienced over the years that KRs never resolved.  With all this mentioned, please see our goldenrod, almighty God, declaration of independence!


STL Ethics Order #2955                                                                                                         21 October 2010



Jim Little, Meshell Little and Heather Powers of Saint Louis, Missouri, are hereby declared Suppressive Persons per HCO PL 7 March 1965RB I, SUPPRESSIVE ACTS, SUPPRESSION OF SCIENTOLOGY AND SCIENTOLOGISTS.

It was recently found that Jim and Meshell had been using ex-Scientologists and Suppressive Persons as their sources for a study of their religion.

—– First of all, wait, huh? Was this a typo?  “study of their religion”?  You know, we are not even sure what they are accusing us of here.  It almost seems as if they are accusing us of getting field auditing or training from SPs.  Well, I think someone should cough up some evidence of this because it never happened.  If they mean we have been using these people as a source of RESEACH and INVESTIGATION, then it would be true!

They then forwarded black propaganda statements, enemy lines and falsehoods about Scientology organizations, parishioners and Church principals to other Scientologists, thus propagating them, in an attempt to pull those people off The Bridge.

—– Ok, well first of all would it be too much to ask for a less broad generality here?  This would be true if you consider that I talked to my immediate family.  With what we have discovered of course I told my mother, my son and daughter!  I wanted only to allow them to know where I stood on the matter and to find out where they stood.  Come on! Duh! This is the real world and we are a real family.  However, Jim did offer to any of his Facebook Scientology “friends” to read our resignation letter to see what our side was.  That was Jim and not “Jim and Meshell”.

Through investigation it was discovered that Heather had covertly continued to work as a staff member of the Church while knowingly betraying her fellow staff and making secret plans to resign from the Church.

—– This section on Heather is the sickest and most unjust of all.  Let me take this up point by point.

—– The truth of this is that our discoveries were discussed with Heather only days previously; however she did not have the months of research and all the data that we had. She decided she would just finish her contract.  I thought this would be okay.  However, and get this, Heather is a 15 year old who had been on staff since she was 13.  She was not supposed to be working over a certain amount of hours, per the law, because of schooling.  She ended up being expected to work at least 40 hours a week and when I said she would have to do a straight day schedule so I could more effectively get her schooling done, her senior, the Cope Off, adamantly refused to allow her to do this unless she also came in on Thursday nights at 9:30pm for weekly staff meetings.  This was completely unworkable and yet her senior wouldn’t hear of anything else and wouldn’t approve the schedule stating, “I don’t care about your schooling, I care about policy”.  After me discussing this in detail with her senior and getting nowhere, that is when we decided Heather was not going to work there anymore.  That is when we decided we had to pull her off staff, compose a resignation letter that would explain our decisions and just walk away.  She didn’t even go back to the org once this decision was made.

While appearing to be a Scientologist in good standing, she treacherously began allying herself with known SPs and disclosing confidential parishioner information which was then forwarded to websites run by known squirrels, in an attempt to harm the Church and the parishioner.

—– First thought here is what??  This is 100% lies and complete ASSUMPTION of facts.  Heather has never been allied with a known SP, and with the exception of us, she has never communicated in any fashion with declared SPs and still hasn’t.  The only thing that comes to mind here is when Heather divulged information about a parishioner who had been offered sleeping pills from the ED/CS and then was subsequently locked away in a mental hospital.  Heather had no idea that Jim and I had been researching or our decision, at that time she was confidentially mentioning this to me out of her concern/upset for the parishioner and total shock of the situation.  Later, it was Jim who posted this information on the Ex Scientology Message Board because he was blown away by this!

While a staff member of the Church, Heather had a record of continual dishonesty and repeatedly not showing up which dumped work on other staff.

—– This statement is a broad generality. There were times Heather was sick and was not allowed to come to post because she had fever.  As for dishonesty, I assume Heather’s fear of speaking her mind is what caused her to seem dishonest. As far as dumping workloads, let’s get this straight. Heather started volunteering at the church when she was 13 years old for NO PAY for 6 months before she turned 14. When she started working for pay at 14 years old she made on average $20 PER WEEK even when she was working up to 40 hours. There were numerous times she came in on her days off to help her senior cover a post, and numerous times she babysit another staff member’s children, on her only day off, for free, so they could be on post.

After investigation revealed the actions they were carefully hiding, Jim, Meshell and Heather presented their resignation from the Church rather than seek an on-policy, honest handling.

—– This statement is a gross and blatant lie.  What “investigation” are they talking about?  Oh, I get it.  Jim posted that confidential information on the ESMB just 2 days previous to our decision to submit a letter of resignation and pull Heather off staff.  So on the day that we were bringing in our letter we were confronted with this demand to get on the meter.  We finally figured out that they were trying to find out how this information had gotten on the internet.  It’s very real to me that they would think magically just because they almost got us on the meter that we created a 14 page resignation letter in the hour before they demanded we come to the org for a metered interview and take all the credit for having cracked the case.  OMG. They found the right “why” again!

When confronted and given an opportunity to avail themselves of standard Scientology technology to resolve this matter they refused the help offered by Church staff members and then spread lies regarding them.

—– Yes, the HES did offer the day of resignation to show us the “truth” disputing what we believed.  The HES, HAS, and COPE OFF sat down with us, after quickly scan reading over our letter and proceeded to tell us how wrong we were.  How we had been tricked by SPs.  We asked if they had ever looked at what we researched or had they only read what the church is saying about the people saying it.  The HES said he had read the church’s dead agent material and need not read more.  We asked him if he knew who Pat Broker or Annie Broker were and he had no clue.  That sealed it for us.  We remember people used to bad mouth Dianetics and when you asked if they had ever read the book themselves or read anything by LRH, they would say some similar thing…..realize, you can’t have an intelligent conversation under these circumstances.  We decided there was no way we could be “handled” if they were unwilling to read or listen to what is actually being said out there. This conversation was over.

After this, in exchange for financial gain, Jim then offered his pre-paid legal “services” to help others get refunds and leave the Church.

—– Well what do you know a piece of truth.  However, this is only partially true.  Jim offered it because he had seen where other people who had left got their unused donations for services back using Pre-Paid Legal services. While others were have trouble getting them because they had no legal representation or advice. He has not made a single dime off this.  I’d like to also point out, Heather and Meshell had nothing to do with this either.

A review of Meshell’s ethics file reveals an unchanging pattern of out-ethics towards her fellow Scientologists. These include using Scientology communication lines for profit, heavy promotion of dishonest investments which cost her fellow Scientologists tens of thousands of dollars, driving some of them to hardship or bankruptcy, that she continued to promote against clear direction from the Church that it was unethical. Deeper investigation shows a continuing pattern of pretending to be a knowledgeable and ethical Scientologist while, in fact, squirreling Scientology materials to stop action and enturbulate others.

—– Well, this is an interesting attack on me for sure.  Especially when all I did was submit the resignation letter and carefully went silently about my way.  They reviewed my ethics file and found information from over 12 years ago and twisted it to use for their own ends in this SP declare.  It’s quite gross in my opinion.

Let me address these points.  First of all I’m confused by the first point that there is an “unchanging pattern of out-ethics toward her fellow Scientologists”.  This is a broad generalization that truly makes me sound horrible. Quite interesting that the things they are mentioning came from a decade ago and since that time I served on staff again, took courses and even had auditing!  Do you think this would have happened if I were as described?

The second line was something referring to heavy promotion of dishonest investments. This is twisted up with adjectives added to ensure insidiousness is portrayed.   However, let me say it was, sadly & embarrassingly PARTIALLY true.  First, there was no heavy promotion and I was not doing this to harm anyone, nor do I believe it was dishonest – however we were ALL tricked and we ALL lost money.  Some lost more than others and I took a lot of responsibility and felt more than horrible about it!  I did my ethics conditions over 12 years ago and it was completely resolved back then.  I have letters from some of these people letting me know that they did not hold me responsible for their losses, because we all knew (in fact signed papers to the fact) that there was risk involved.

The sentence stating “using scientology communication lines for profit” – well, I’m not really sure what all this is about, however, the church, not understanding MLM or Network Marketing, is making it sound very weird and evil.

Line up 50 staff members from Sea Org to orgs and take a survey.  Many have NO IDEA what or how network marketing works, and prominent others encourage Scientologists to take advantage of this type of business ownership to make a living!  My business partner, Sharon Lyman, and I started a business that was done via network marketing and SOME of the people who were involved were our friends, who were scientologists!  It was introduced to us by Scientologists and we had all hoped to make a lot of bridge money.

So these statements just clearly show these young adults wielding lightning bolts again.  No worldly wisdom, just uneducated opinions.

The church started dictating to me and Sharon, that the product we were selling and promoting was unethical.  It was educational materials teaching people about their rights as tax payers are and taught them how to create legal tax shelters.  The church came down on us and said we could not promote the material because it was not true blah blah blah.  Even though we heavily disagreed with this evaluation, it ruined our business as we had to stop promoting it.  Then, to bring this up over a decade later and act like it’s somewhat current and continuing (or even that it was unethical in the first place) is obviously done to harm my reputation.

Additionally, during this time, my business partner, Sharon Lyman, decided to get drastic with the whole tax concept and personally decided to opt out of the income tax system – she literally stopped paying taxes!  I didn’t do this, and expressed to her that she shouldn’t do it either.   Later, when she wanted to do scientology services again, she was told she would have to pay back all the taxes if she wanted to come back on services.  Even though she fully believed she was within her legal rights (even to this day), she complied.  It was THIS that caused them to have to file bankruptcy.

If this is the best they could do to show how evil I am, pulling things from 13 years ago from my ethics file, leaving out important information, twisting it into all one weird event then being so vague that I don’t even know what I’m accused of is highly evil, unethical and low toned!  It was done ONLY to make me look bad.

It then said that I pretend to be a knowledgeable and ethical Scientologist while in fact squirreling the materials to stop and enturbulate others.  Well, all I can say here is what are you talking about?  First of all, I am quite knowledgeable and pretty ethical by most standards.  Oh, I think they mean I didn’t donate enough money to the IAS and the Ideal Orgs.  Well, I guess I’m guilty.

They are not Scientologists, they are squirrels.

—- This is evaluation and I have not seen any proof of this accusation.   Sadly, they (the church) are liars.



“Suppressive acts are defined as actions or omissions- undertaken to knowingly suppress, reduce or impede Scientology or Scientologists.”

Jim and Meshell Little and Heather Powers are guilty of the following Suppressive Acts:








Additionally, Heather is guilty of the following Suppressive Act:



All certificates and awards issued to Jim Little, Meshell Little, and Heather Powers are hereby cancelled. Any licenses or agreements that they may have acquired to use any of the trademarks or service marks of Dianetics or Scientology are likewise cancelled and any membership agreements that they may have signed with any Church of Scientology are also cancelled.

Should they come to their senses and recant, they may apply steps A-E as covered in HCO PL 7 March 1965RB I, SUPPRESSIVE ACTS, SUPPRESSION OF SCIENTOLOGY AND SCIENTOLOGISTS.

Their only terminal is the International Justice Chief via the Continental Justice Chief.

HCO Cope Officer STL

Authorized by

For the

Approved by

Copy Of Our SP Declare With Rebuttals
Copy Of Our SP Declare Page One
Copy Of Our SP Declare Page Two


39 thoughts on “The Real Story

  1. Well done for standing up to this CULT, its taken a big part of your life and at present your son.

    Stand tall your all victims, fight for your son as i have done for my daughter.

    My daughter has now understood why her mum and I have protested this cult and has disconnected from the cult and not us.

    She has a problem that she is afraid and knows that to speak her mind, she would loose her future husband as he is a Cult member.

    Take care and fight for your son and enjoy a real life now.

    Tony and Sue UK Parents.


    • Hi Tony & Sue,

      I just saw your comment. I always get filled with hope when I hear from others who have had someone disconnect and finally come back! I appreciate you taking the time to write!

      I hope your lives are filled now.

      ML, Meshell


  2. Jim,
    I saw your article and mention of Pre-Paid Legal on Marty’s blog. Could you drop me an email? I’m looking for some legal help on getting a refund from a CoS in CA.


  3. Hi Jim/Meshell/Heather and Grandma,

    Great blog and I especially like the section on LRH’s death and that great letter from Luis Garcia.

    You may know of me from my multiple appearances at the Riverside board of Supervisors.

    I’m doing a lot of investigating in Riverside and Orange counties. Basically I want Gold Base to be opened up so that people that want to leave can leave. It should be no big deal, but it’s been difficult.

    I’d like to get in touch with you and/or Luis Garcia for a private chat about a situation in Orange county.

    I’d appreciate if you can send me a quick response by e-mail so I can explain.




    • Mike, there was a lot of libel contained in that write up!! I have decided I wouldn’t waste my time suing them.

      They do this to everyone who gets a “declare”


      • They walk the fine line of libel on Religious Freedom Watch as well, and defend it by saying, “If it was libel, wouldn’t somebody have sued them by now?”

        Yeah…I want to take on an organization crazy enough to waste $5 million on Keith Henson to get nothing in return. I want to sue for libel when the defendant is worth billions.

        It’s a silly defense when put into context, isn’t it? Nobody has sued because nobody can afford the time and $$$ required.


  4. Hello strong little family, it’s folks like you who have the guts to stand up to scn’s madness! Bravo and never give up- in the end, your son may come back to you!
    Peace, *Jules*


    • Hi Jules, peace and hugs to you too. I have started writing a blog to my Jeremy. I love him and miss him and want him to realize he doesn’t have to disconnect from me. Thanks for your kind words.


  5. I’m so happy and proud of you guys! I still have issues with how my own cycle was handled, as well as issues with how some fellow staff members were treated/handled. Still love LRH and the tech and am saddened at how his vision has been corrupted–and how this corruption is being done in his name.


  6. Thank you so much for writing this. I commend you on your bravery to discuss such issues on this blog. I was thinking of visiting the STL site for a paper that I am working on, but have decided against it. I am terribly scared that the organization will prey on any real or perceived fallacies that I have, making me more susceptible to being sucked in. I have an acquaintance who is still considering attending for a similar paper. Do you have any information that I can share with this person regarding his decision to “visit” the STL site “just one time”?


    • What I can share is all of this blog with you and their stories. Also check out the latest New Yorker magazine article regarding Scientology. If you do go to the STL Org they will show you some intro film, but I am not sure what that will be now since Larry Anderson walked away from Scientology and he was the main person in their Orientation film. Most of the staff and public at the local level are clueless because like good little cult members they follow the rules about not reading any negative information about Scientology on the web or newspapers and only look and read information that is pre-approved by the cult.


  7. The day you first looked up “bypassed charge” in contrast to today how you are feeling is one hell of an incident! Scientologese is just as ancient or useless as Olde English! Just added memories of an exotic kind. I could take a sailing cruise living life fully. This one is such a gut wrencher of an anarchic kind. Modern science of mental health gets a bad loony name again.


  8. Reading this makes me happy. It’s good to know that our efforts to find, collect and make available information about Scientology has been validated by the flood of “discovery” happening among active publics today. Your litany of wrongs parallels the stories we were uncovering back in the 1990s, so nothing has really changed within the organization.

    When the San Diego org was fundraising for their Ideal Org property, I was horrified by their “Cash In Your Heirlooms” campaign. As best as I can tell, the SD org couldn’t come up with the full amount, so some pet richies of DM’s, the Duggans, kicked in the remainder. They purchased an 8 acre campus of an old technical college. The buildings were not in good shape, a sewer line under the property was to be replaced before any other renovation could be started, and maintenance was a pain.

    So, the OT Committee put up and Ideal Org website, using pictures from its old life as Coleman College, back when the landscaping was pretty. Then they collected random pix of Mission-style architecture and plonked them all down on a page, with some vague plan to raze the buildings and put up a Mission style campus full of unmatching buildings inspired by clip art.

    About the same time they acquired this property they couldn’t afford, the downtown org went up for sale. OTVIII J. Gerson is the broker.

    For two years, the SD org held on to the Ideal Org property by paying off the penalty for not paying the property taxes. Once, an influx of cash brought them up to date, but they were soon in arrears to a couple hundred thousand dollars.

    Then one day, information on that property became unavailable online, and a for sale sign appeared out front.

    So, they cashed in their heirlooms, bought a $9 million property they couldn’t afford, it’s now on the market and the money from the sale will not return to the parishioners. Will they start pressuring members all over again for a new Ideal Org?

    They gave everything they could.
    They couldn’t afford it without help.
    They got help buying it, but once it was theirs, it was their responsibility.
    They got no heirlooms, they got no spare money, they got no Ideal Org.

    I picket their “church,” but it’s nothing personal. Y’alls the victims here.


  9. I applaud your standing up to this disgusting excuse for a Church. The World is getting the facts at last about this destructive ticking time bomb, Miscaviga has many deaths upon his head, it won’t be long now until the walls come down, not long at all !


  10. Well done for having the courage of your convictions to leave after so many years..i feel sad that you did not convince your son to also leave..the loss of a child to a cult is painful enough and even more painful when you are partially responsible for introducing them to this way of life.


    • Hi Sylvia, yes indeed it is more painful realizing that I didn’t go ahead and get him out. I’m a big being like that. Fair and unbiased. I honestly believe Jeremy has freedom of choice. He is free to determine whether that group is for him or not. That may have been my mistake but in the end I think /hope it will turn out.


  11. This is a bit late, I know, but I’m glad to see that you have such a good handle on what has been done to you. Don’t let the lies and allegations in that “SP Declare” get you down. It’s just formula dead-agenting crap the cult uses in an attempt to destroy your credibility with your peers. Your real friends know better.


  12. Thank you for your KR. Those assholes from the church are not Scientologists. They are criminals. I have been a Scientolgist for over 35 years and worked with a lot of the veterans on Flag. All that hot air in the so-called declare is just “s/ps whilstling in the graveyard.” They utterly fail to realize that th “TROUBLE SPOTS ONLY OCCUR WHERE THERE ARE NO RESULTS OR BAD RESULTS.” LRH KSW Series 1.


    • Yeah Jay! I agree. You know, I know there are probably some real SP’s in the field, however since the “church” just willy nilly labels people as SP’s (no longer following the policy on “ethics gradients” in any way shape or form) just simply issuing declares on anyone who SAYS they no longer want to be involved – it has served to dilute truth and disguise who is a real SP and who isn’t. They have promoted so many untruths, half-truths and lies that all it has done is create massive stupidity among the members. Ugh. Sad.


  13. Absolutely brilliant write-up! There can be argument with your observations and logic.
    I was extremely angry when it dawned on me that I, myself, had been not-ising all the outpoints for years. For a start, what was all the hush-hush about Ron’s death about? Why? And then followed all the price-hikes, the paranoia about court cases and squirrels, the heavy ethics that followed. Why?
    I didn’t look, because I was being pushed around ethics myself, even when there wasn’t anything there. I got very confused, and stayed that way for almost 30 years.
    Until one day, I looked on the internet…
    Love to you,
    Richard Kaminski (UK)


    • Hi Richard, thanks for the validation!

      Remember the saying that “hind sight is 20-20”? I would guess that every week I realize more about what I just not-ised. But you know, I was known around the “church” as a bit of a “trouble maker” because I kept asking questions and I and I never took things at face value. I’ve always hated the phrase “because I said so” and never fell for it. My world just twisted up on me when I would see blatant policy violations, ask questions about it and be treated like there was something wrong with me!! A trouble maker, I am!

      So throughout the years I kept seeing pretty big outpoints and they wouldn’t reconcile. It kept me a tad bit distanced – I now know exactly why I couldn’t ever “come up with the money”. I always thought it was so strange that I could ALWAYS come up with money for anything I ever wanted, but just couldn’t do it for the bridge. I seemed I was just out-ethics! LOL, well, hind sight has kicked in and now I know why I never made it go right. Because too much just didn’t make sense.


  14. I’m so sorry to hear of the separation from your son! I’ve never been involved with Scientology (thank God!), but I would truly be ruined if I had to experience this kind of heartache and sadness. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

    I also live very close to St. Louis! When I drive into the city, I occasionally go past the new “Ideal Org.” I remember reading in the Post Dispatch that it was expected to be completed by August 2011 at the VERY latest. It’s now July 2011, and they MIGHT be halfway done with renovating the new auditorium. The rest of the building still looks worn out and useless. Apparently they not only have lots of work left to do, but those fundraising efforts have really proven ineffective as well!


    • Drew, thank you for taking the time to post here. Yes, my heart hurts with missing my son and I try really hard not to think of the future where I might not be part of his children’s life.

      Since I don’t have any way of communicating to him, I have started a blog that I write to him and also put my thoughts regarding this whole thing. I guess I hope he will secretly visit the site and know how much I miss him and love him. The address is:

      As far as the “Ideal Org” goes – honestly I don’t know how they are paying for the property taxes, let alone affording any renovations! I really just don’t know how they will pull this off because I know the finances there.

      Again, thank you for dropping in and taking the time to write! :)


      • Not a problem, Meshell! I’ve subscribed to this blog now, and I’ll also be sure to look at the other one! Thanks for sharing your story! :-)


  15. Ideal Orgs are mysteriously expensive beasties. The tax on the SD org alone was six figures. They spent five figures just on penalties. They managed to hang onto it for a couple of years before it went back up on the market again.


  16. VWD on getting out. So sorry for the pain and suffering you were caused. It’s a senseless shame. The Co$ is reaping what they sowed. They WILL go down. Hope your family thrives and prospers. If there is anything I can do to help, please email me.


  17. I was on staff at St. Louis 1973-1976 during the John Goth era that caused the org to shrink from an incredibly fun, efficient group of 135 like-minded team-members to less than 20 in several years. I appreciate your time to write all of this up. It is great that so many people are finally exposing the truth. Hopefully, David’s (Miscavige) pet project will die an all-too overdue death. I intend to write a blog about the activities of St. Louis Org during those years. So sad to see that so many of those talented staff have gone on to further support the ‘church’ by paying the outrageous prices that have skyrocketed, as you mentioned. I cannot comprehend why anyone would stay in once it was revealed that the ‘church’ knew the books were overt products, yet continued to sell ‘new’ versions. How many hours of word clearing would have been eliminated had the books been published according to the original LRH manuscripts, as they SHOULD have been. LRH failed in that respect, as he was the author, and should have verified the books were published correctly.


    • Karl, I would suggest that the older books were NOT an overt product; that the subsequent revisions are. What I know about L. Ron Hubbard is that he was a micromanager who demanded everything be perfect in his sector. Thus, it makes absolutely NO sense that the man who wrote all this work was not going through it line by line before publication. I believe that the pre-GAT I books are the 100% approved by Hubbard books as he intended.

      If you look at comparisons between the originals and the GAT 1 books, you’ll see that a lot of the text has been changed to appeal to a more modern audience. There is a lot of racism in the old books, but that was acceptable at the time.

      Ten years ago, DM launched GAT, and everybody had to buy new books. Now he’s releasing GAT II, which means everyone has to buy new books again, ten years after buying the final product absolutely 100% LRH BS. And people aren’t stupid. They can remember back 10 years ago.

      So I must ask you, why do you think the original books are the overts? I assure you Mr. Hubbard would have gone over his work obsessively before releasing it.

      If you notice, DM hasn’t created anything positive. And all he’s got to work with is Hubbard’s material, so the only way he can keep the money flowing uplines is to keep rewriting them until there’s nobody left to buy.


  18. Wow! I was considering becoming a member along with some friends of mine but after reading this I am disgusted! I liked the idea of Scientology but this “church” sounds more like a cult gone wrong! How are these silly people getting away with this type of behavior? It sounds like they should be behind bars…. Too bad for them too because I come from a VERY wealthy family and could have contributed a lot. Instead I will pass this disturbing news along. There loss for trying to play “god”.


    • Now, Scientology doesn’t love anything more than it loves gullible rich people. Well, MAYBE it loves L. Ron Hubbard more, but only a wee bit.

      In order to schmoooooze with prospective richies, the cult stages glittering evening events at nice, upscale hotels, like the one in Pasadena where John Travolta and David Miscavige were rumored to appear. Anonymous was there, too. We did see a couple of limos, but who knows…

      Anyway, most of us were outside with signs. One of us was a waiter inside who was asked by one of DM’s guests why there was a protest out front. Our intrepid Man Under Cover gave her the 411 on Scientology and its moneygrubbing ways.

      She was incensed and said that, while they were wealthy, she hadn’t been able to figure out *why* they’d been invited to this thing. Suddenly Clear as someone who lost their Reactive Mind, she said the cult would not ever see a penny of their dough. So DM wasted $$$ on a couple of dinners, haha.


  19. Be patient. The cult will go bust within the next years. My story is as sad as yours. What is now important to remember: We all must forgive. Otherwise we will live with hate that destroys ourselves.


  20. The first time I came to St. Louis Organization was in 1978 or 1979. I had no idea that the number of staff had already dwindled significantly after 1973. And I imagine the same was happening during that era at a number of the other organizations in the Midwest. Good riddance, Scientology.


  21. Well I’ve read most of this ludicrous jargon filled expose and come to the conclusion that People drawn to “tribes” of ANY stripe are absolutely batshit insane….


  22. What’s absolutely baffling to me is how anyone could be so stupid as to fall for the notion that your mind can be made “clear”….by stuffing it with 10,000 tons of jargon filled Bullshit!


  23. I don’t understand a thing about Scientology; but I find your article very interesting. If you ever had the time and the opportunity, I would much appreciate a “layman’s terms” translation of what you have said. All of the abbreviations, punishments, etc don’t make any sense to someone on the outside. Frankly, it may be book worthy. You’d need an entire section to define all of the people, their positions, and their responsibilities.

    To a certain degree, reading the quote below, as someone outside the church, it might as well be in Latin. It’s akin to reading a soap opera script in a foreign language. It makes absolutely NO sense! I am curious, though; and would like to understand more. Please consider it. Thanks for your insights!

    “On top of that, I’ve had a lot of admin training, including a few mini hats, OEC Vol 0, FP Member Full Hat and M9 word clearing the entire finance series. As an FBO, during the big IRS tax exemption, I implemented the entire Treasury/INCOMM program after the IRS awarded the tax exemption. Jim has been mainly public, finishing his STCC, Student Hat, TR’s/Objectives, volunteer activities with CCHR & other 4thD campaigns.”


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